*Note: This post was done in the humorous style of Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon and is not meant to offend anyone, by proceeding beyond this warning you have understood that this is a joke.
If you’re sitting on the computer right now, reading this post, it’s because you haven’t bought Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon. Right this second, you need to clean the cheetos off your (Xbox, PS3, PC), close all the blinds, put a sign in front of your door that says “Real life doesn’t have enough neon,” and go to whatever service that has Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon, and throw your money in front of the monitor until you successfully purchase it.
While you’re waiting for the download and have completed your 1000 pushups, get back in your seat and prepare to take on the identity of Sargent Rex Power Colt, armed with bionic powers, pew pew lazerbeams, and more neon that your dog can handle before going into cardiac arrest.
Prepare for mindblowing explosions, pink ninja stars, dumb guards that don’t notice when the buddy right next to them has been killed, ripping out hearts, and most importantly, giant T-Rex like lizards that shoot lazers from their eyes. Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon can be all yours for only the equivalent price of $15. Don’t have it? Man up and go sell a spleen.