Hey suits, listen up Ã¢â‚¬Ëœcause IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve got some pretty sweet news to break.Ã‚Â I,Ã‚Â DEADPOOL,Ã‚Â today announced that IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢veÃ¢â‚¬Â¦(ahemÃ¢â‚¬Â¦weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve)Ã‚Â Ã¢â‚¬Â¦yes, rightÃ¢â‚¬Â¦WEÃ¢â‚¬â„¢VEÃ‚Â decided to make a kick-butt, butt-kicking new video game based on the awesome-ing-ist Super Hero ever known to manÃ‚Â Ã¢â‚¬Â¦(and woman, if you know what weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re sayinÃ¢â‚¬â„¢)Ã‚Â Ã¢â‚¬â€œ starring yours truly,MEÃ‚Â Ã¢â‚¬â€œÃ‚Â DEADPOOL.Ã‚Â I know, I knowÃ¢â‚¬Â¦I peeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d myself a little with excitement just now tooÃ‚Â (you call that Ã¢â‚¬Ëœa little?Ã¢â‚¬â„¢).
Some of you may know me as the Merc with a Mouth,Ã‚Â (or the mercenary for hire)Ã‚Â Ã¢â‚¬â€œ what can I say; I have skills!Ã‚Â Ã‚Â (You know who else has skills?)Ã‚Â High Moon Studios has skills, and I hired them to make my game, because theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re awesome, and so am I.Ã‚Â But theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re not as awesome as I am, if thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve heard.Ã‚Â Ã‚Â (WhoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d you hear that from?)Ã‚Â Ã‚Â (Wait, listenÃ¢â‚¬Â¦you smell something?)
Anywho, where was I?Ã‚Â Oh yeah,Ã‚Â ME,Ã‚Â and my gameÃ‚Â DEADPOOL!Ã‚Â With some cashola I Ã¢â‚¬ËœborrowedÃ¢â‚¬â„¢Ã‚Â (ha!!! riiightÃ¢â‚¬Â¦Ã¢â‚¬ËœborrowedÃ¢â‚¬â„¢)Ã‚Â from Activision Publishing, Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Activision Blizzard, Inc.Ã‚Â (Nasdaq:Ã‚Â ATVI)Ã‚Â (blah blah blah), and some of the big cheesesÃ‚Â (mmmmmÃ¢â‚¬Â¦cheeeeese)Ã‚Â from Marvel Entertainment, myÃ‚Â DEADPOOLÃ‚Â game will feature all of my favorite things Ã¢â‚¬â€œ katanasÃ‚Â (check), big gunsÃ‚Â (and not just these amazing arm muscles)Ã‚Â (check), crazy poop-your-pants actionÃ‚Â (check), hot chicksÃ‚Â (check),Ã‚Â maybe some of myX-MENÃ¢â€žÂ¢ friendsÃ‚Â (well, depending on what theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re wearing), burritos, bouncy houses and of courseÃ‚Â ME!!!Ã‚Â (check)(check)Ã‚Â And check!
And now, a quote from me about my game:
“I,Ã‚Â DEADPOOL, Ã¢â‚¬ËœhiredÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ Peter Della Penna and his physically embarrassing team at High Moon Studios for two reasons.Ã‚Â First, because of their close proximity to Mexico so I can get fresh, authentic chimichangas delivered daily,Ã¢â‚¬Â saidÃ‚Â DEADPOOL, newly self-appointed Head of High Moon Studios, and Supreme Commander of PR, Marketing, Legal, and just about everything I want to be in charge of at Activision Publishing, Inc. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Second, if High Moon can make an amazing game about big transforming robots look cool, then they can surely make me look amazing in a third-person action video game, from all anglesÃ‚Â (seriously PeterÃ¢â‚¬Â¦my bottom is my good side, so donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t screw this up).Ã¢â‚¬Â
And now, a quote from that other guy at High Moon Studios:
Ã¢â‚¬Å“We werenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t actually planning on making aÃ‚Â DEADPOOLÃ‚Â game,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Peter Della Penna, formerly Head of High Moon Studios and now second in command.Ã‚Â Ã¢â‚¬Å“But,Ã‚Â DEADPOOLÃ‚Â came by the studio one day, said he was taking over, and that if Ã‚Â I didn’t hire MarvelÃ‚Â writer Daniel Way pronto and, makeÃ‚Â the most amazingÃ‚Â DEADPOOLÃ‚Â video game, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d break both of our arms and beat us to death with them.Ã‚Â I have kids, so weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re making the game.Ã¢â‚¬Â